Complete Devastation Beyond Words...

I am completely devastated beyond what words can say. On December 5, 2009 my boyfriend of 5 years and 2 months left me FOR A MAN! He told me he had already been romantic with this guy when he was still with me. This has blindsided me like no other. To top it off we have a 4 month old daughter together. He moved out at 5am saturday and moved in with his gay lover later saturday evening after work.

He made the big mistake of calling me the following day.

I let him have it verbally. I was hysterical, screaming and crying at him. Here he is happy as a god damn lark sleeping cuddled up next to his lover every night and I sleep alone and get up in the middle of the night with our daughter. I told him I could never take him back after what he did. What he did was just unforgivable in my book. His biological father abandoned him when he was 3 months old and now he is abandoning his daughter when shes 4 months old! I can just hope that she doesn't have any issues with her father like he does with his father to this day.

Meanwhile while he is happy as a lark, I am trying hard just to make it thru the day. I cant get the image out of my mind of the two of them cuddled in bed together. He is obviously happy why would he miss me?! Come to find out he is bisexual. I know I didn't turn him that way. My thought just is that his bisexuality has always been there but it took a relationship with me, however terrible it was to him apparently, to bring that bisexuality to the surface to make him rather be with a man than be with me. I sob every day when I get home. Its just so painful!

I am only 25 years old damn it! People say I deserve better and I know I do. It will take me awhile to heal from this. He was my first love and he is bisexual! What a blow to the self esteem! Why didn't I see the signs?! I deserve to be loved. I deserve someone that will be completely faithful to me! I deserve someone who will not hurt me! 5 years down the drain! This is the thanks I get!!

As of now I am in the process of cutting all ties with him. I deleted him from my myspace friends list and I also deleted an album of pics on my myspace page that were pics of just him and his daughter. When I told him that when he called me sunday he said I didn't need to do that and I said I did need to do it because he caused me so much pain and I just couldn't bear the reminder of his face. He sounded upset when I said that. I don't know if he has cried or not. Probably not though.

I know things will get better as the days go on. Monday he came and got his clothes, his computer and other small things and I sobbed when I got home when I came home and saw them missing. Its just a crying shame. I sent a text to his family telling them what happened. They are all shocked and speechless beyond what words can say. I don't know what will happen to him now in the eyes of his family. You just never know. I just hope he thinks his gay friend is worth it! All I know is what goes around comes around and he has already set the plan in motion whether he likes it or not. And from the looks of things, payback in the form of Karma, is going to be a major BITCH!